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You lie on an application to get a job and then get up and testify that "God made a way out of no way!"
You get mad at a visitor and call them out for sitting in YOUR seat.
You tell the preacher to baptize you from the neck down because you just got your hair done!
You take 2 hours to get ready for church, get there late, and leave early!
You open your Bible and you cough from the dust that flies out.
Your wedding song is 'Secret Lovers'.
You say aliens abducted you, but the Lord set you free.
You do not lift your hand during worship because your acrylic nail is broken.
The only time you like to sing in the choir is when they let you sing "your" song.
You do not tithe because you say, "the preacher might be crooked and stealing the Lord's money, so I don't want to give it to him"
After you've done wrong and someone has rebuked you, you don't repent but say, "Well the Lord knows my heart."
You have ever said, "show me in the Bible where it says, thou shall not smoke".
Your favorite part of the service is the benediction.
Your pickup line to all the single women in church is "the Bible says, greet one another with a holy kiss".
You thought "the Gospel" was a concert.
You overheard someone say, "We got fed today at service" and you asked if they served chicken.
You think "The Trinity" is a new female gospel group.
You just got finished smoking on the outside of the church and then try to lead a song, get choked up, holding your throat and say to the congregation,
"The devil don't want me to sing this song."
The only scripture you know is, "Jesus wept."
You know you attend a ghetto church when they stop worship to announce someone parked in the pastor's spot and they are currently being towed.

Clean jokes from Africa and Around Planet Earth

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