Violin Jokes
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- What's the difference between a violin and a viola?
- There is no difference. The violin just looks smaller because the
violinist's head is so much bigger.
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What's the difference between a violin and a fiddle? - A fiddle is fun to listen to.
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Why are viola jokes so short? - So violinists can understand them.
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How do you tell the difference between a violinist and a dog? - The dog knows when to stop scratching.
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How many second violinists does it take to change a light bulb?
None. They can't get up that high!
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String players' motto: "It's better to be sharp than out of tune."
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Why is a violinist like a SCUD missile?
- Both are offensive and inaccurate.
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Why don't viola players suffer from piles (hemorrhoids)?
- Because all the assholes are in the first violin section.
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What's the difference between a fiddle and a violin? - No-one minds if you spill beer on a fiddle.
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Why do violinists put a cloth between their chin and their instrument?
- Violins don't have spit valves.
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Why should you never try to drive a roof nail with a violin? - You might bend the nail.
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A violinist says to his wife, "Oh, baby, I can play you just like my violin."
His wife replies, "I'd rather have you play me like a harmonica!"
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Jacques Thibault, the violinist, was once handed an autograph book by a fan
while in the greenroom after a concert. "There's not much room on this page," he
said. "What shall I write?"
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Another violinist, standing by, offered the following helpful hint: "Write
your repertoire."
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"Haven't I seen your face before?" a judge demanded, looking down at the
defendant.
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"You have, Your Honor," the man answered hopefully. "I gave your son violin
lessons last winter."
"Ah, yes," recalled the judge. "Twenty years!"
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