Funny African American Jokes
hole dive / ONE RUBBER /
White Guy's Poetry Lesson /
Q/A
'Twas The Night Before Christmas,'
Ebonics Version :
A Rich Black Guy in a Redneck Bar: /
Blowin In The Wind:
HOLE DIVE
One day Billy and Bob walk out of their trailer parks and both realize
they have to take a shit. Luckily they have a two-seater outhouse and
don't have to fight over who goes first. Suddenly, while shitting
Billy yells out, "Damn! My quarter just slipped out my pocket and went
down the damn hole."
Bob immediately replied, "Don't worry Billy…I'll get it for you." Bob
stands up ready to jump down the hole but for some reason Billy tosses
his mayo sandwich down in the hole too. Bob looks at him and says,
"What the hell'd you do that for Billy?" Billy then replied, "Damn
Bob. I can't let you go down there just for a quarter."
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American Jokes Page
Q. A black and a Puerto Rican are in the same car, who's driving?
A. The Policeman
Q. What do you call a Greek girl who keeps running away from home?
A. A virgin.
Q. What do Orientals use Dental Floss for?
A. Blindfolds.
Q. Hear about the library that burnt down in Paris?
A. Destroyed their entire collection and they hadn't even finished
colouring in the second one!
Q. Why don't they teach driver's education and sex education on the
same day in Iraq?
A. They don't want to wear out the camel.
Q. Who won the Belgian beauty contest?
A. Nobody.
Q. Why do Italian men have mustaches?
A. So they can look like their mothers.
Q: What do you call a blonde with 2 brain cells?
A: Pregnant.
Q: Why don't blondes in San Francisco wear short black mini skirts?
A: Cause their balls show!
Q. British General addressing Australian troops: Did you come here to
die?
A. No mate, we came here yester-die.
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American Jokes Page
ONE RUBBER
A dude went into the drug store and asked to buy a rubber. The clerk
told him he doesn't sell rubbers one at a time, he only sells packages
of 6, 8 or 12. The dude asks why. The clerk said, "Well I don't make
any money off these things but I carry them for my regular customers
any way and that's how they buy them."
The dude asks, "But why 6, 8 or 12?" The clerk said, "Well, those
packs of six are for my Mexican customers. You know they do it six
days a week and rest on the Sabbath." He asked, "What about the pack
of eight?" The clerk said, "For my Black customers. You know they do
it seven days a week and twice on Sunday." He asked, "And the packs of
twelve?" The clerk said, "That's for my white customers. You know,
January, February, March, ........
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White Guy's Poetry Lesson
Two friends, a white guy and a black guy, both work together. The
white guy came in late one morning and his black friend asks where he
had been. The white guy says, "My wife gives me good sex every night
and she kept me up really late last night." The black guy says "I
can't get my wife to have sex with me, no matter what! How do you do
it?"
The white guy says, "I read her poetry every night." His black friend
then asks, "What kind of poetry?" The white guy replies, "Blondie,
blondie, eyes so blue, how I want to make love to you." Then the white
guy tells his friend to go home and try it - it's a sure thing! The
next morning the black guy was about 2 hours late.
When he comes in, he has a black eye and his arm is in a sling. The
white man asks, "What happened?!" The black man says, "Man, don't ever
speak to me again!" The curious white man asks, "Well, what did you
say to her?" The black man replies, 'Nappy head, nappy head, eyes like
a frog, bend over bitch, and take it like a dog!!"
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The PGA
100 years ago when 100 white people chase a black person that was
called the KKK. What is it called today?
The PGA
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American Jokes Page
Q&A
Q: Did you hear that Oprah Winfrey got arrested for drug smuggling?
A: The police found 150 pounds of crack between her legs!
Q: How do blacks cure insomnia?
A: They get a job at the Post Office!
Q: How do we know that Adam and Eve were not black?
A: Have you ever tried to take a rib away from a black man?
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American Jokes Page
'Twas The Night Before Christmas,' Ebonics Version :
Twas da night befo' Christmas and all in the hood,
Not a homie was stirring cuz it was all good.
The tube socks was hung on the window sill,
and we all had smiles up on our grill.
Mookie and BeBe was snug in the crib,
in the back bedroom cuz that's how we live.
And Mom's in her do-rag, and me with my nine,
had just gotten busy cuz girlfriend is fine.
All of a sudden a lowrider rolled by,
Bumpin phat beats cuz the system's fly.
I bounced to the window at a quarter pas',
Bout ready to pop a cap in somebody's ass.
I yelled to my lady, "Yo peep this!"
She said, "Stop frontin, just mind yo' bidness."
I said, "For real doe, come check dis out."
We weren't even buggin, no worries, no doubt.
Cuz bumpin an thumpin' from around da way,
Was Santa, 8 reindeer and a choice cherry sleigh.
Da beats was kickin, da ride was phat,
I said, "Yo red Dawg, you all that!"
He threw up a sign and yelled to his boyz,
"Ay yo, give it up, let's make us some noise!"
"To the top of the projects and across the strip mall,
We gots ta get goin', I gots a booty call!"
He pulled up his ride on top a da roof,
and sippin on a '40, he busted a move.
I yelled up to Santa, "Yo, ain't got no stack!"
He said, "Damn, homie, deese projects is wack!"
"But don't worry black, cuz I gots da skillz,
I learnt back when I hadda pay da billz."
Out from his bag he pulled 3 small thins,
a credit card, a knife, and some bobby pins.
He slid down the fire escape, smoove as a cat,
and busted the window with a baseball bat.
I said, "Whassup, Santa? Whydya bust my place?"
He said, "You best get on up out my face!"
His threads was all leatha, his chains was all gold,
His sneaks was Puma, and they was 5 years old!
He dropped down the duffle, Clippers logo on the side,
Santa broke out da loot and my mouf popped open wide.
A wink of his eye and a shine off his gold toof,
He cabbage patched his way back onto the roof.
He jumped in his hooptie with rims made of chrome,
Goin' back to dat booty waitin' at home.
And all I heard as he cruised outta sight,
was a loud ass holla, "WEEESST SIIIIDE!"
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A Rich Black Guy in a Redneck Bar:
A rich black guy of impressive size is driving his Porsche in Alabama
one day when he decides to have some fun. He goes into a redneck bar
and orders a bottle of the most expensive whiskey they have. He pays
in cash, and starts to drink, all to the disgust of the other patrons.
Finally he says out loud, "I am a black man. I play in the NFL and
make 7 million dollars a year. And, I fuck white women!"
He then settles down to drink some more. Every redneck in the place is
ready to just tear off this guy's head for his insolence, but he's
fully twice anyone's size, so they decide to let it go this once. So
the black guy stands up again and says, "I make 7 million dollars a
year, which is more than all you little inbreeder hicks will ever see
in your life together, much less alone like me. See that Porsche out
there? Brand new, and if I tire of it next week, I'll buy another. But
you know what? I fuck white women!" Now he was pushing it, the
rednecks thought.
Once was enough, but twice...yet they held back, because of his giant
size. All, that is, except for one little guy, who went up and
whispered something in the black man's ear. This infuriated the black
man, who picked up the little honkey and hurled him into the kitchen,
smashed a bottle on the floor, and stormed out and drove off.
Immediately, all the rednecks rushed to their comrade's side, asking,
"What'd ya say Billy Bob!? What'd ya say?" Billy Bob replied, "Well,
all I said was that if I made 7 million dollars a year, I wouldn't
fuck no n_____s either!"
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Blowin In The Wind:
A woman recently lost her husband. She had him cremated and brought
his ashes home. Picking up the urn that he was in, she poured him out
on the patio table. Then, while tracing her fingers in the ashes, she
started talking to him.
"Irving, you know that fur coat you promised me? I bought it with the
insurance money!"
"Irving, remember that new car you promised me? Well, I also bought it
with the insurance money!"
"Irving, that emerald necklace you promised me? Bought it too, with
the insurance money!"
Still tracing her finger in the ashes, she said, "Irving, remember
that blow job I promised you? Here it comes."